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What’s wrong?

September 21, 2014

What’s wrong?
Is everything okay?
Mommy, what’s the matter?

I don’t know how many times I heard that question today.
My answer, each time: “Nothing!”
Because, really, there is nothing wrong.
But everything is wrong.

Today, I felt the over-whelm of working full-time and trying to take care of my family, the house, the pets. There aren’t enough hours in the day to get it all done and I know, I should cut myself some slack. I know, I can’t do it all. But when you are in the middle of scrubbing up yet another mess, and folding your up-tenth load of laundry, your mind has time to wander…
It wanders to the next task that needs taking care off, the next mess that needs cleaning and when you think, okay, enough for today, and you are ready for a well-deserved shower, you walk into your bathroom and see the dirty grout in the shower that you meant to take care off but didn’t get to.

Today, that did me in. Everything I did, was followed by a thought of something else that needed to be done, something else that DIDN’T get done.

And when you ask your children to please, straighten up their rooms and empty out their garbage and maybe, put some clothes away and it is met with rolling eyes and indifference, well, that just adds to the over-whelm.

So, instead of opening the flood gates, and letting it all out, I told them: “Nothing!”
Because, when you feel this way, it’s either suck it up and deal or loose your sh**.

I didn’t have time to loose my sh**, I still had to go to the store before meeting grandma for dinner.

In the big scheme of things, it shouldn’t matter what my house looks like and if the shelves are a bit dusty. But it bothers me, I want my house to be clean and neat and tidy. And it used to be…

But now, I’m gone 10 hours out of everyday and there is only so much time to take care of things once I get home.

So yeah, it’s “nothing” and everything – even if it is just in my mind!

Do you feel the over-whelm? How do you deal with it?

Susi

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  • Kerstin September 21, 2014 at 11:27 pm

    Susi, I know the feeling too well. You are not alone, I get it. Definitely get the needing the house to be tidy – that’s probably a German thing, right ? 😉
    Whenever I get like this I make a list – and cross all the things off that are not essential. Top of the list: my sanity.
    So I leave the kids’ rooms to them and trust that they will get sick of the mess sooner or later (I don’t remember when I last went into my daughter’s room) and I do cut myself some slack. I find happiness and joy in small moments and I am grateful that everyone is healthy and we’re doing pretty well.
    You will get into the swing of things again, I promise! xo

    • Susi September 24, 2014 at 10:37 pm

      Thanks, Kerstin. It probably is a bit of that German thing, for sure and I do try to let the kids rooms be. But there are so many other spaces that need attention too. And yes, yes, yes, the little things definitely do matter.

  • Karen September 22, 2014 at 7:37 am

    I can definitely relate, and I have lost my stuff more than once when that eye rolling comes out. I honestly don’t have an answer for you. I have learned the true meaning of “it takes a village” since Andrea had her back surgery, and it is not always possible for me to be there for her. Thank goodness for friends and family who love us all. Talk about guilt….

    You are not alone. Do the best you can, and do what makes you feel good. Like you said, though, remember that the house can wait sometimes and make sure you take care of you!

    • Susi September 24, 2014 at 10:35 pm

      Yeah, I know I have to cut myself some slack but it’s not always easy. It’s usually me putting myself under pressure. 🙂

  • TBM September 22, 2014 at 10:27 am

    Yes I do feel it and I don’t have children so I can only imagine how much more difficult it is for you. For me, I try to step away for a moment or two and take deep breaths. If I can get my mind to relax I don’t feel as overwhelmed. If that doesn’t work, beer me.

    • Susi September 24, 2014 at 10:34 pm

      Ha, maybe I need to start drinking much more than i do now. 🙂

  • Rorybore September 22, 2014 at 3:21 pm

    When I went back to work after baby #1 – YES! and Oh my god YES!
    Because I still had a 15 month old to look after, and supper when I got home from being away at work for 10 hours. thanks to an almost 2 hour commute. I hated being pulled in so many directions: and I am already not the most obsessive cleaner in the first place!
    And, that’s why I am still not back to work 8 years later.
    But maybe this year. but just a few hours a week at best.
    I know how much laundry, and Lego and oh my god those plastic elastic bands and food left lying around and just overall UGH mess 3 kids can create. I feel ya sister. I’d sit and have some tea with you today if we both could 🙂 HUGS!

    • Susi September 24, 2014 at 10:33 pm

      I was home for close to 12 years and considered all the house work etc my job but now that I’m back to work full-time, it’s just not feasible anymore. We are cooking a lot less than we used too because sometimes we are just too tired. So yeah, it’s not always easy.

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